Big Fat Queer

March 29, 2010

Holy Cow! I can reach my ass!

Filed under: Eat Less; Move More — bigfatqueer @ 12:33 pm
Tags: , , , , ,

I have briefly alluded to certain issues with activities of daily living that personal enormity brings about in the blog and on vlogs. There is one issue that helped push me past the brink and motivated me to do something. Not only is it inconvenient, but it is embarrassing, but in starting this blog I have rejected embarrassment in favor of full disclosure.

Some very large people reach a point where they can no longer reach their ass. This creates an enormous inconvenience when you want to scratch your ass, pat yourself on the ass when nobody else will or… well it doesn’t require much imagination to apprehend the indignities one encounters on the dark side of the moon. After losing one stone (as my friend Robb in London informs me), I am proud to say the Eagle has landed and Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin (I have named my digits) are walking on the moon!

You may wonder (or not) how I solved certain hygiene problems when the landing module lost communications with my ass. Let’s just say that necessity is the mother of invention (R.I.P. Frank Zappa). In my research on how others might approach the issue, I found (but never actually purchased) a device called the Bottom Buddy on a site called LivingXL.

Description: An award-winning, ergonomically designed bathroom aid that’s hygienic and easy to use. 11″ long with a curved handle, it has a soft, flexible head with three tulip-petal sections that securely grip any tissue or pre-moistened wipe. Once inserted, tissue covers the rounded head, and can be released using a push button on the handle. Includes a carry pouch for travel and storage.

Who knew?

No breakfast today. For lunch I am having a turkey on rye sandwich with a small bowl of romaine lettuce with sesame ginger dressing. Altogether between 500-600 calories.

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